Back to School Jitters

Typically this is the time of year where parents are doing the happy dance.  Well I am doing a partial happy dance… My girl is going back to school after being homeschooled for a year.  YAY! She is so ready and so am I.  However my boy will be starting school this year for the first time… He is 4 and will be attending a special program to help prepare him for Kindergarten next year.  This program is through the public school.  Am I grateful for the program? YES Does that mean I am less nervous? NO

I feel like a major ball of nerves.  The closer it gets the sicker I get.  Lots of reason really..

1) First IEP meeting and no one that will be working with him was there.  I mean literally no one! Excuse was it was summer they were off.. So I have no idea who he will be working with..

2) His teacher won’t be coming until Sept.  So he will have a sub until then.  Which I understand she had a baby and it was in the NICU until just recently.  I get that and understand.  I wouldn’t want to come right back to work either… But why the year my son is gonna be in your class.. Yes I am aware of how selfish that sounds but when your son doesn’t transition well you tend to be slightly selfish.

3) I worry about the bullies! Lord help me if he gets bullied, I will be that schools worst nightmare mommy.  I can’t stand a bully! My son stims in a weird awkward way and I can’t seem to get him to change that to something less awkward.  He says that he can’t change it because it helps him think better when he does it.

4) I worry just because I am MOM.. Telling me not to worry is like telling a flower not to bloom… I am gonna do it.  I have been his soul caregiver for 4 years now.  I have had no help from the outside and dang it I am scared.  I am scared that they will abuse him, I am scared they will judge him, I am scared they will try to turn him into someone other than who he is, and I am afraid he just won’t need me anymore.  Yup there is that selfish thing coming out again.  Sometimes these things are slightly about me.  However while I acknowledge that, I know that is normal as a mom.  I felt that way when my daughter had her first day of school..

I feel like I am gonna also be out of the loop with my sons care.  I feel like someone else is gonna be making decisions for his well-being without me.  People who don’t even know him will have opinions.  This is not sitting really well with me.  Oh and you don’t have to tell me how controlling this sounds I already know.  But don’t you realize that parenting a child with Autism is about control.  We have to control so many things just to get through a day.. Trying to avoid over stimulation, under stimulation, meltdowns, social awkwardness, and we are just trying to make sure our kids have the best childhood possible.

So while I am suppose to reliquensh some of this control to the staff at his school, I am scared to do it as well.  People say “oh you are gonna love the break”.  You are right I might actually take care of me for a change.  However I will not stop worrying that he isn’t being treated fair or being hurt.  In the end the only person who can take care of him the best is me, HIS MOM.  That doesn’t mean I don’t need help and I am trying to let go.  So please be patient and kind with me while I work through my worry, fears and just let me cry when I need too.

See letting my son go to school is way different than when my daughter went to school.  I was sad but happy for her at the same time.  It was a right of passage with her, but I knew she would be fine.  She could tell me if she wasn’t and I would stomp someone if needed.  However with my boy it is scary.  He is verbal but shuts down when things are bad, he doesn’t like to tell me about his day.  Ask him and he says “i don’t know”.  See that scares me, because will he tell me if someone is hurting him? My son is picky about how he eats his food. So I worry what if it isn’t the right temp and he doesn’t eat? If he has a meltdown, will they be patient with him? Will he be punished for something he can’t control? See all these are fears I didn’t have with my daughter.

So when you ask me if I am excited about my son going to school and I respond “not really”.  How about you say “I understand” instead of telling me how much I need this break or how great it is gonna be to have all this time alone. Because truly I could give a rats butt about that time. I want him to be okay and loved.

Basic Aspergers for you Dummies

We all know that our Aspie’s (or the High Functioning Autistic children now as they are called) hyper focus on certain things in their “world”.  It becomes their obsession… Since my son was 18 months old it has been Mario Brothers for him.. He has self-taught himself how to play the games, now he YouTube’s the games and teaches himself how to play.  Most of the time he has taught himself how to play the new games through video’s and when the game comes out he is almost bored with the game after a week… Hence why we love GameFly…

Here is why I give you all this background… Every evaluation we go to they ask me the same question: Is there any one topic he seems to fixated about and loves to learn about? —  My answer is always “Educationally NO, but he is super fixated on video games, especially Mario.  He loves to learn about games new and old.  How to level up, new gear coming out, how the amiibo works, and just anything Wii related.”

It is INTENSE when he is talking about Mario… If he is talking about Mario and he thinks you aren’t listening he will say “Mommy are you listening to me!” over and over until he is acknowledged… He gets absolutely giddy over it.. It’s hard to explain but if you have an Aspie you know what I am talking about… 🙂

But what makes me so CRAZY is every time I say this, they look at me and say “oh no I mean like Dinosaurs or Space”.  I always shoot them a look like “Wait who the freakity freak are you to tell me what my sons obsession should be? So to be an Aspie it has to be Dino’s or Space? Educational only? ummmm last I checked these kids have different personalities and different interest… So are ‘normal’ children only allowed to like video’s games and non-educational stuff?”

My question is WHO THE HECK TAUGHT THESE PPL!  I know my son isn’t the only gaming Aspie out there because I have a good friend whose son is equally obsessed… so I told my husband that next time a teacher or Dr. tries to dismiss this I am gonna have to do some serious educating… I am gonna offer “Basic Aspergers for You Dummies”…  I am going to have to start asking for creditials if this keeps up.. Make sure they aren’t coming out of a Cracker Jack Box… yummm Cracker Jacks.. Oops sorry, I’m back.. lol

But is it me or do these people really think that we as parents are this slow.  That we aren’t paying attention to the stupidity that comes out of their mouths sometimes.  Whether be a Dr. discussing a treatment plan or a Teacher at an IEP meeting.  I want to look at them and say, you know how do you think we got to this point? It wasn’t because Mama was slow on the uptake people.  Someone had to get him here.  Are you feeling me?

Please guys I am always looking to hear from you guys and what you are hearing from the “experts” on your children… I know I am not the only one around here thinking they need to slap somebody sometimes…

note: please know I am not saying that obsessions about dinosaurs or space aren’t acceptable, but that drs have to be open to other non-educational type of obsessions sometimes.