So I have done pretty good since the accident June 11th. Actually got out and did some photo’s of my daughter and my best friends daughter. So I thought I was finding closure.
Little did I know that closure was a mythical creature similar to a unicorn. I have been struggling with Nightmares, Flashback and the anger for not being able to make sense of all this that I seen that day. I want to move forward but the anxiety takes over my body like an evil angry spirit trying to pull me to the dark side.
I always knew that soldiers struggled with Fireworks on the 4th of July and other holidays. However this was not something I was prepared to struggle with this year. My nieghbors were shooting off the big fireworks for their family. This some how got twisted in my brain to sounding like the accident I witnessed. It took lots of deep breathing, good meds, and going to bed. Yet I still work up sick from my nerves being wrecked.
I am trying to not let this effect my kids, my daughter has 3 fashion shows in the fall and I need to be back to normal so that i can take her to these. 1 is in NY and 1 is in LA, last thing I need on her first flight is to get anxious.. ugh.. I have flown it doesn’t bother me to fly but Fireworks have never bothered me either… So we slowly on the road to recovery but it is VERY slow! But I do wish people would stop telling me it gets better with time. I know it gets better with time in some weird sense of coping. But in the end it never get really better it still haunts you but you just have to learn to cope or you will find yourself in a straight jacket laughing hysterically in a padded room. So here is to time and finding that coping closure.